Page 19 - Fall 2013 Issue
P. 19

 IN HIS OWN WORDS...
I used to think everyone knew something that I didn't. They, like I, weren't aware of what it was, and they didn't seem to notice that I was without it, but to me the difference was painful. Life's "little things" seemed second nature to others, whereas I felt I had to fake that I knew what was going on. I felt awkwardly different, which led to an overwhelming desire to question the things that most people seem to take for granted. A burning desire to know what this life is about, which I have now largely satisfied, making the price of my sensed alienation very small in comparison.
For me, in the beginning, my search for answers generally centered around the issues of life, death, and the powers of the mind, but within these there were many other topics like time, space, heaven, hell, hypnosis, UFO's, ghost stories, ESP, the dream state, reincarnation, etc. I had arrived at several basic conclusions for each, but they were just hunches. Without knowing how I knew, for example, at the age of 12 or 13 I remember telling my mother that space and time couldn't really exist, and that neither could hell, or a God that wasn't One with all things, living and inanimate. I reasoned that He was not just inside Us all, but that no part of our experience could ever be anything less than 100% God.
I didn't realize it at the time but my desire to "know" had put me on an inner path of understanding, or better my thinking was beginning to attract like thinking. As if my questions were slowly answering themselves, opening my eyes to the insights that are latent in us all. As I walked this path the questions I dwelled upon were somehow answered. I was never sure just when the answers had arrived. I only sensed, sometime after "illumination", that an intuitive knowing had been imparted when I wasn't paying close attention.
The first time I remember physically pursuing my fascinations with life's mysteries was at the age of 14. Hypnosis was an exciting and bizarre affair I thought, so I checked some books out from my high school's library, and bought a few short "how to" ones of my own. In very little time I was successfully hypnotizing some of the younger neighborhood kids who looked to me with some authority, but it all became very boring when I ran out of ideas of what to say or do once my subjects had gone under. My favorite tricks like having their fingers go numb so that their big brothers could prick them with pins, telling them that they could no longer open their eyes, or having them blurt out nonsense when given post-hypnotic triggers, lost their appeal. No one had bad habits to break, and I had no success with anyone my age or older.
Exploring hypnosis I gleaned several breakthroughs. First that the process worked, I saw the mind's influence over the body and its thoughts, and second, while rummaging in the school library I discovered The Search for Bridey Murphy, by Morey Bernstein. It blew my 9th grade mind. I couldn't understand why everyone didn't have a copy, or why the teachers and adults I knew hadn't heard of it. Surely, I thought, this was revolutionary material that should be studied and queried by the greatest minds of the world. But as far as I knew that hadn't happened since Bridey's publication in 1956. Nevertheless, the paranormal events and conditions described in Bridey made perfect sense to me, paralleling many of my own inner suspicions, and opening doors in my thinking that enabled me to ponder even greater questions.
“Only write if you have something you really want to say”.
19
    


























































































   17   18   19   20   21